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Deviant for 8 Months
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Literature
Youth
your eyes flash with the youth of the clouds above,
which hang by the pale amethyst bunch
like lines of photos strung out to dry in a darkroom.
soon, the storm will be upon us
but in this moment,
I'm remembering
my own fervent word,
when I spat out,
"Yes,"
please help me,
without breaking
or crashing.
:iconpicayunevoltage:picayunevoltage
:iconpicayunevoltage:picayunevoltage 1 0
Literature
The Truth
it's ninety degrees outside and I'm
in sweatpants and UGGs.
I have nothing to do and my pillowcase is
covered in pink Sharpie stains from when I drew on my arms.
there's baking soda all over my windowsill that
protects my skin from future little ant bites.
I don't make much sense
but
I wonder
would you still be my friend
if I didn't like both bacon and sausage for breakfast?
how about
if I told you I still hope to change myself before I die?
~~I'm far from compelling, but I promise there's a sense of truth in my arms.
:iconpicayunevoltage:picayunevoltage
:iconpicayunevoltage:picayunevoltage 1 0
Literature
Be Exotic
recently
there is little I care about:
even less that I can change.
when I go to the mall,
I don't care if they stare
I don't care if they laugh
I can't make them like me
I can't make them have my taste
I can't make them understand
what's it's like to be
the center of the pity galaxy
or what it means to struggle
with a body you wish you could change
simply because
then you wouldn't have to fight
to have friends
but you'll never be able (pun or done)
to change your body
so "be brave"
and move on.
NO,
I am not done explaining
why I need someone to understand
that just because I feel alienated
does NOT under any circumstance
mean you get to tell me
I should try harder to fit in.
NO,
I am not done explaining
why I need someone to understand
that for me, "going out" means
being so distracted by those who stare
I can't pay attention to you,
much less enjoy your company.
NO,
I am not done explaining
why I need someone to understand
that a physical disability
does NOT allow a pin to be put in
:iconpicayunevoltage:picayunevoltage
:iconpicayunevoltage:picayunevoltage 2 0
Literature
I'm Running, I'm Trying, I'm Tired
I once wrote about finding a way to heaven
if this pain would nest itself somewhere other than my heart
I might be able to find the secret passageway
dear, I'm afraid of the morning;
you've told my heart to expect nothing less than medicine
like the richest, I pretend I profit from sleep, soul-satisfying and deep
but my heart has gained nothing from the setting except dark wounds
dear, I'm terrified of the morning;
I didn't ever run without an exit plan before you
they seem to be life-saving, Kevlar vests to hot bullets
I suppose that's what the secret passageway is for:
yet, on and on and on I pound at the ground
hoping to find the place
where the sun is always rising,
never setting on the hurtful, harmful fumes of a life in pain
:iconpicayunevoltage:picayunevoltage
:iconpicayunevoltage:picayunevoltage 2 0
Literature
I've Never Been a Gum Chewer?
I have this reoccurring nightmare:
gum dissolves in my mouth.
it's grey as stone and tasteless;
then it becomes a lethal weapon as
I can't breathe through it.
guess I should mention
my partiality to sense:
I feel stuck,
drowning even.
my solution involves leaving
the unattainable for the capable
yet that's who I've always been:
a dreamer of creation, not destruction.
•perhaps black combat boots can be worn ironically with a white dress to suggest some conventionality as vital•
:iconpicayunevoltage:picayunevoltage
:iconpicayunevoltage:picayunevoltage 1 0
Literature
Words
sow your words with immeasurable care
and measure your words against grown language
for each sentence is a painting composed by your mind;
each word is a color made by your heart.
:iconpicayunevoltage:picayunevoltage
:iconpicayunevoltage:picayunevoltage 1 0
Literature
A Sidebar to My Appetite for Adventure
I'm tired of falling asleep to another person's hopes and dreams
Mine slipping through Time's seams
I stick my feet to this spot
Where everything is blooming and nothing is sought
Here they silently attest, "Morality is free"
But my legs ache from the stand of their creed
My heart yearns for an explanation to something deeper
But those go for one soul per
Just like a dream goes for a body fair.
:iconpicayunevoltage:picayunevoltage
:iconpicayunevoltage:picayunevoltage 0 0
Literature
The Comfort of Friends
Only now when I want to bundle myself in your body
Do hot tears start pouring down my face
~~there's a firefly sputtering glowing lemonade outside my window; I wish I could share it with you~~
I know I shouldn't be so stuck on a "barely"
But that's all I have
(If I say I want to wait for you, I might call myself insane)
Hope is all I ever run on
And the only light I see
Is out of my reach,
Sputtering small globs of glowing lemonade into the darkness of the night
You'll never see this, but
*tears are replaced with the dim light of an iPod*
I am slowly, silently unfurling the wings of my own small world.
:iconpicayunevoltage:picayunevoltage
:iconpicayunevoltage:picayunevoltage 0 0
Literature
Independence
My gender is not simply
Sitting down in the appropriate place to please my father
My gender is not simply
Waiting for a thank you from my brother when I provide him with the word "chaplain"
When he's the one in the Navy
My gender is not simply
Taking my mother on lunches
When she wants my father to take her
My gender is going full on into everything
And not expecting anything but experience in return
My gender is loving everyone so equally that it hurts to be the one loved
My gender is teaching through actions, not words
My gender is not simply female
My gender is respectful, capable and kind
But more importantly, the gender that I prescribe to is independent.
:iconpicayunevoltage:picayunevoltage
:iconpicayunevoltage:picayunevoltage 0 4
Literature
Untitled
I can’t write
about the most important thing in my life (as thought by others)
because, try as I might,
it’s not important to me.
:iconpicayunevoltage:picayunevoltage
:iconpicayunevoltage:picayunevoltage 1 0
Literature
Ghost
ghosts of your love
streaking by in my head
and all I can focus on
is how you told me
to breathe bravery into my words
:iconpicayunevoltage:picayunevoltage
:iconpicayunevoltage:picayunevoltage 2 0
Literature
Therein
fast forwarded like clouds divided onto the wings of an airplane,
memories of you tumble and spin,
rapidly washing my rough heart down, leaving only the purest emotions.
my blood is therein saturated with apprehension;
you will never know my love.
:iconpicayunevoltage:picayunevoltage
:iconpicayunevoltage:picayunevoltage 2 0
Literature
Kinetic energy
nerves grinding against one another
yet sugar and spice and everything nice
have nothing on me:
I crave kinetic energy.
:iconpicayunevoltage:picayunevoltage
:iconpicayunevoltage:picayunevoltage 2 1
Literature
My Heart is Pounding Its Usual Rhythm
They tell me I'm not Juliet--
There's no such thing as Batman--
But I missed the point of a utopia in 8th grade Language Arts class;
I never understood marriage
Until the second time I fell in love.
And, over and over, I realize I'm just a little bit lonely
When I'm looking for you.  
I'd like to think "someone special" still means texting someone at two in the morning to talk about how utterly disappointed you are in the world; getting ice cream because it's raining and that's worth celebrating; everything close to romantic.
My best friend's favorite colors were pink and purple
But I'm not certain that's what entails a princess type;
I never liked cafés or Starbucks
Until I learned breakfast as the most important meal of the day.
And, over and over, I feel like I'm just a little bit ostracized
For liking invisible as a color.
You probably wouldn't trust me simply by my words, but I'm just a little bit human--warm to the touch.
:iconpicayunevoltage:picayunevoltage
:iconpicayunevoltage:picayunevoltage 1 1
Literature
Learning to Let Go
the murmur of the ocean sits me upright
everything is an attack
when I can’t backtrack
i’m out of my dream
and into a scream
as I’m starting
at three in the morning
the whisper of the wind sits me upright
I can remember the day I met you
I knew my past would be an issue
yet onward I flew
and what could I do
when you were there
from theft my soul was stripped bare
the patter of the rain sits me upright
I’m memorizing every moment
hope you don’t doubt my intent
somehow I know
that there is no foe
when someone is broken
the only thing to do is to help restrengthen
the silence of the empty bed sits me upright
and yet again I reach for my phone’s comforting light
:iconpicayunevoltage:picayunevoltage
:iconpicayunevoltage:picayunevoltage 0 0
Literature
Hurt
either
everyone's getting good
at pretending
it doesn't hurt
or
I'm
just a little bit
young.
:iconpicayunevoltage:picayunevoltage
:iconpicayunevoltage:picayunevoltage 1 0

Favourites

Literature
Mental Illness
Mental Illness
Cast aside by the government
Controlled by the guardians
Buying expensive medications
Dealing with side effects
Backlash from bad times
Negative emotions
Holding on to hope
Mental Illness
:iconBunearoBanana:BunearoBanana
:iconbunearobanana:BunearoBanana 1 0
Literature
An Answerto Why
In the dark of the night
As you're losing the fight
Know I can't lie
I am hearing you cry
There's a call in the night
And a star burning bright
A deep ocean sky
And an answer to why
Just believe in the light
And believe in the sight
You will find a sign
And the stars will align
There's a call in the light
Of a star in the night
In a deep ocean sky
There's an answer to why
:iconLeckT:LeckT
:iconleckt:LeckT 3 0
Literature
The Rockslide
We race in a rockslide
I'm a hollow boulder
But you're colder
A ground-bound comet
Melting in the sun
A little short of space
But you make it gracefully
Truthfully through and through
But my empty core
Will shatter upon impact
And in a million pieces I'll never make it back
:iconro-blue:ro-blue
:iconro-blue:ro-blue 1 0
Literature
Just be friends
My heart fell so faint,
At the sight of your smile
You lit up my darkness
And you blinded my demons.
                         I knew then and there,
                         I was in a loop;
                         A loop I didn’t realize,
                         Would end up around my neck.
Four months,
Went by so slow
My every thought
The thump
Of my ever beating heart;
I couldn’t help but wonder
Did I ever,
Make your heart beat like thunder.
                         But when my tongue caught up to my head,
                         And I wrote my every unsaid thought
     
:iconJustalittlebitPoetic:JustalittlebitPoetic
:iconjustalittlebitpoetic:JustalittlebitPoetic 3 2
Literature
A Heinous Crime Indeed
I buried my
emotions, you
know...
                        ...and you
                        will never see
                        the reality...
                                                ...because I
                                                murdered it...
                     
:iconFallenBlackPhoenix:FallenBlackPhoenix
:iconfallenblackphoenix:FallenBlackPhoenix 9 7
Literature
Sunflower Seeds.
I've been spitting out "I'm sorry" like sunflower seeds at a baseball game.
:icondanceswithhippies:danceswithhippies
:icondanceswithhippies:danceswithhippies 3 3
Literature
TAKING BACK
I'm taking back my life once and for all
and when the smoke clears we'll be standing tall,
The whispers from the peanut gallery are un-needed,
it matters not what they say, cause we will not be cheated,
They can stand by and watch us flourish,
bask in the glow of love that can nourish;
Let the people who hate you motivate you
to rise above them, and to yourself be true...
"To thine own self be true", is the saying on my mind;
when you follow this wisdom, true love you shall find,
Or any other thing, if you so desire,
it's all up to you, how you want to aspire,
We can be free from the bonds of mental slavery,
stop clicking, turn off the t.v., show some bravery,
I'm taking back what was once lost,
it's ours to have at any cost.
:iconrjdubbya:rjdubbya
:iconrjdubbya:rjdubbya 9 12
Literature
reckless
this feeling is like a quick wind
the kind that turns into bitter cold
it fills my lungs with violent purpose
reaching deeper into my restless soul
but how could this be fatal?
or maybe fatal is what i long for
to know that kind of ancient fear
because safety is far too lonely,
it never fills these pages with feeling
and that is far too reckless
---
if this is a raging fire
you are the gasoline i pour
seeping deep into my cracks,
slowly filling my insecurities
and all my frightened self
but this cold love is also living recklessly
---
i want you intertwined within my fingers
i want your mind to wander and fall
deep within the caverns my own lonely fate
---
help me stay. keep me still. forever breathing
but there are words that remain unsaid
behind closed lips, against your tongue
and all i want
is to stay alive
feeding off each syllable
you might someday bleed
:iconhaveyourabyss:haveyourabyss
:iconhaveyourabyss:haveyourabyss 2 0
Literature
hammocks, hikes, hands, hues (of you).
dreaming of hammocks
and hikes, hand-holding
and your hips pressed
against mine, 
i am dreaming.
i am dreaming.
dreams floating,
sleepwalking into
this domain
that is so strange
and so new,
but so you.
hold my hand
into the forest
where you are king,
where i am foreign.
lead us into this space,
and let us dream.
a quiet testimony
to lie awake
in this lucid place,
where we control this,
finally hold this.
a place where my
reveries are delighted
by your face.
my dreams have missed
this place. and they've
missed you.
:iconchromeantennae:chromeantennae
:iconchromeantennae:chromeantennae 10 0
Literature
ASK AND YOU SHALL RECEIVE
They say "Ask and you shall receive"
I've received a lot. Mostly horrendous things,
now i ask just to believe
that we've got real love, two matching beings,
I've only asked for good things in my life,
It was never granted, until you came along,
tell me you're real cause you cut like a knife,
slicing through my fibers with your simply sweet song,
Please just don't be merely a delusion,
It would be quite disheartening to realize.
that what i thought was real is illusion,
and this is not life's most pleasant surprise,
Not everything is Hell fire, I learned that today,
I am allowed to have peace and tranquility,
you fuel me when necessary, in every way,
living twice at once, tis SILENT LUCIDITY,
I never thought I'd be completed, not in the slightest
Until you came along and changed me forever,
of all the stars that light the sky, you are the brightest,
i now have a companion on this endeavor,
I am ready for the rain,
I can now weather the storms,
i am on board this train,
i must now break
:iconrjdubbya:rjdubbya
:iconrjdubbya:rjdubbya 9 26
Literature
Always Toujours Yours
Words brought us together -
when we had the chance.
Just as the stars which inspire(d),
seen from the distance
Tides revealing beauty not only seen,
when sitting on the dune.
Time sharing not often enough by -
the phases of our moon.
Reading your last letter sent -
my tears are put in motion.
That which now is between us,
may as well be an ocean.
We will always have our memories
and I know will both be fine.
The boat has sailed with that train of thought
- to reach the end of the line.
:iconScarletQuill:ScarletQuill
:iconscarletquill:ScarletQuill 3 1
Literature
Caged Bird.
what was once a caged bird
soon became a free canary,
singing the most precious song
that it only ever heard
in its dreams.
:iconb-vis:b-vis
:iconb-vis:b-vis 2 0
Literature
96
I’ve tried laughing with tears in my eyes
All I do is choke
Trying to cough up the loneliness 
And the missing friendships 
The lost opportunities
Just all the choices I didn’t get to make
Because of who I am
:iconChaonsWrath:ChaonsWrath
:iconchaonswrath:ChaonsWrath 3 5
Literature
Human world
I could tell you a tale.
But I won't.
Instead I will tell you about a memory.
From when I didn't know what fear meant.
I woke up, yes we begin from there.
It was like any other morning.
I did my things and everyone else did too.
It was supposed to end like that too.
No one was supposed to get hurt or cry until no tears came out.
But the world doesn't work that way.
I learned it that day too.
Soon there were flames.
Screams reverted inside my head,
 yelling crying calling for someone to come and help.
I slipped, there is red liquid flowing between my trembling hands.
Red floors, red walls, red people and something red falling slowly from above.
Ahh... so this is hell, it was closer to heaven than I thought.
:iconIRestInPeace:IRestInPeace
:iconirestinpeace:IRestInPeace 1 0
Literature
Yonder do I ponder
I like to ponder
over many things,
all wonder-alike.
Conceivable, and not.
Sometimes,
I get caught in amazement,
unknowing of the dark below.
A bellowing shriek;
drag me down,
to where no-one dares ask.
Contort me, distort me,
Bury and incinerate me..
Flickering shadows,
As the light turns on.

Shadow is crept
within the walls,
under and behind;
hidden.
I ponder
over many things,
and caught in amazement,
I still hear you;
from below,
where no-one dared ask.
I don't have a question,
the answer already known..
We never should've become
a riddle,
for it was your answer,
all along.
:iconBlight215:Blight215
:iconblight215:Blight215 1 0
Literature
Void
i wonder
if you do
not mean
to touch
and hold
like it is
just
something
to do with
your hands.
grab anyone
near by
like, life raft;
gasping for
attention.
the current
pool
r  i  s  i  n  g
UP
to the
bottom of
your chin;
Lift
on tiptoes
STRAINING
to stay
above
surface.

But,
what
are
you drowning
IN
[sense-deprive
produced
overdrive?]
time feels
more
vaccumous
then death
There
in the
seconds
before
suffocation.
like
anticipation
could kill
you
first.

“I want to
touch you,”
she did
not say
So he
did not
hear.
:iconLoiseauanxieux:Loiseauanxieux
:iconloiseauanxieux:Loiseauanxieux 2 0

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picayunevoltage's Profile Picture
picayunevoltage

Artist | Hobbyist | Literature
Finding out who I am, one word at a time.

Otherwise, tennis shoes are the attire of choice.

Watch for a watch back XD

Using this account as an online diary of sorts <3

Pride

I AM PROUD

Made with pride by the DeviantArt community

Activity


your eyes flash with the youth of the clouds above,
which hang by the pale amethyst bunch
like lines of photos strung out to dry in a darkroom.

soon, the storm will be upon us
but in this moment,
I'm remembering
my own fervent word,
when I spat out,
"Yes,"
please help me,
without breaking
or crashing.
Youth
idk I like the first stanza but not really excited about the second
Loading...
it's ninety degrees outside and I'm
in sweatpants and UGGs.
I have nothing to do and my pillowcase is
covered in pink Sharpie stains from when I drew on my arms.
there's baking soda all over my windowsill that
protects my skin from future little ant bites.
I don't make much sense
but
I wonder
would you still be my friend
if I didn't like both bacon and sausage for breakfast?
how about
if I told you I still hope to change myself before I die?

~~I'm far from compelling, but I promise there's a sense of truth in my arms.
284 deviations
recently
there is little I care about:
even less that I can change.
when I go to the mall,
I don't care if they stare
I don't care if they laugh
I can't make them like me
I can't make them have my taste
I can't make them understand
what's it's like to be
the center of the pity galaxy
or what it means to struggle
with a body you wish you could change
simply because
then you wouldn't have to fight
to have friends
but you'll never be able (pun or done)
to change your body
so "be brave"
and move on.

NO,
I am not done explaining
why I need someone to understand
that just because I feel alienated
does NOT under any circumstance
mean you get to tell me
I should try harder to fit in.

NO,
I am not done explaining
why I need someone to understand
that for me, "going out" means
being so distracted by those who stare
I can't pay attention to you,
much less enjoy your company.

NO,
I am not done explaining
why I need someone to understand
that a physical disability
does NOT allow a pin to be put in
everything left unsaid
because it would be "awkward."

Yes, I can't run well,
but I can sure as hell
tell you why I don't care if you stare:
I won a race once against everyone
(I read 100 books in as many days).

I learned
during that race
it's okay to be
exotic
(in non attention-grabbing, careless terms, unusual).
I once wrote about finding a way to heaven
if this pain would nest itself somewhere other than my heart
I might be able to find the secret passageway
dear, I'm afraid of the morning;
you've told my heart to expect nothing less than medicine
like the richest, I pretend I profit from sleep, soul-satisfying and deep
but my heart has gained nothing from the setting except dark wounds
dear, I'm terrified of the morning;
I didn't ever run without an exit plan before you
they seem to be life-saving, Kevlar vests to hot bullets
I suppose that's what the secret passageway is for:
yet, on and on and on I pound at the ground
hoping to find the place
where the sun is always rising,
never setting on the hurtful, harmful fumes of a life in pain
I'm Running, I'm Trying, I'm Tired
ever feel like heaven is what people make of their wonderful lives, and you just can't keep up?
Loading...
I have this reoccurring nightmare:
gum dissolves in my mouth.
it's grey as stone and tasteless;
then it becomes a lethal weapon as
I can't breathe through it.

guess I should mention
my partiality to sense:
I feel stuck,
drowning even.

my solution involves leaving
the unattainable for the capable
yet that's who I've always been:
a dreamer of creation, not destruction.

•perhaps black combat boots can be worn ironically with a white dress to suggest some conventionality as vital•
sow your words with immeasurable care
and measure your words against grown language
for each sentence is a painting composed by your mind;
each word is a color made by your heart.
I'm tired of falling asleep to another person's hopes and dreams
Mine slipping through Time's seams
I stick my feet to this spot
Where everything is blooming and nothing is sought
Here they silently attest, "Morality is free"
But my legs ache from the stand of their creed
My heart yearns for an explanation to something deeper
But those go for one soul per
Just like a dream goes for a body fair.
A Sidebar to My Appetite for Adventure
I have a physical disability; my dream, like that of many my age, is to be self-supporting.
Loading...
Only now when I want to bundle myself in your body
Do hot tears start pouring down my face

~~there's a firefly sputtering glowing lemonade outside my window; I wish I could share it with you~~

I know I shouldn't be so stuck on a "barely"
But that's all I have

(If I say I want to wait for you, I might call myself insane)

Hope is all I ever run on
And the only light I see
Is out of my reach,
Sputtering small globs of glowing lemonade into the darkness of the night

You'll never see this, but
*tears are replaced with the dim light of an iPod*
I am slowly, silently unfurling the wings of my own small world.
My gender is not simply
Sitting down in the appropriate place to please my father
My gender is not simply
Waiting for a thank you from my brother when I provide him with the word "chaplain"
When he's the one in the Navy
My gender is not simply
Taking my mother on lunches
When she wants my father to take her

My gender is going full on into everything
And not expecting anything but experience in return
My gender is loving everyone so equally that it hurts to be the one loved
My gender is teaching through actions, not words

My gender is not simply female
My gender is respectful, capable and kind
But more importantly, the gender that I prescribe to is independent.

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Comments


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:icontiny-light:
Tiny-Light Featured By Owner May 29, 2017  Hobbyist General Artist
Thank you for the fav on Comfort!
Reply
:iconpicayunevoltage:
picayunevoltage Featured By Owner Jun 10, 2017  Hobbyist Writer
No problem!!!!
Reply
:iconhouseof1000secrets:
Houseof1000secrets Featured By Owner May 26, 2017  Professional Writer
Thanks for the watch ^_^
Reply
:iconpicayunevoltage:
picayunevoltage Featured By Owner Jun 10, 2017  Hobbyist Writer
You deserve it!
Reply
:iconhouseof1000secrets:
Houseof1000secrets Featured By Owner May 21, 2017  Professional Writer
Thanks for the fave :D
Reply
:iconghanstrom:
Ghanstrom Featured By Owner May 6, 2017
Thank you for the favorite. :)
Reply
:iconpicayunevoltage:
picayunevoltage Featured By Owner Jun 10, 2017  Hobbyist Writer
You're welcome!
Reply
:iconinthespacebetween:
inthespacebetween Featured By Owner May 6, 2017
thanks much for the favourite, dear <3 !
Reply
:iconpicayunevoltage:
picayunevoltage Featured By Owner Jun 10, 2017  Hobbyist Writer
you're very very welcome!
Reply
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